You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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