He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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