my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
