anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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