Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We left the knife in your bed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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