Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize