i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
