You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
