Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
