I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
