things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize