I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
