I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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