Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize