Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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