I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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