She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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