that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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