I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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