It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
