Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
