a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
