So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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