Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I accidentally had phone sex last night
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
