You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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