She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
