Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
