As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
