Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
