Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
