Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
