I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dicks are not precious.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
