Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize