i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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