you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
