it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
