ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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