Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
