this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
