Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
BRING THE BAGELS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
