made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He felt like a one man threesome
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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