I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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