the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
