So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
