HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
