Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have aggressive nipples.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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