just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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