What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize