You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
