Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
