I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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