Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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