i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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