and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
