So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Porn is love you can see.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
