I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
