You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
