Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
