I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
