The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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