I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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