I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
