Will you blow on my dice?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
