Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
