last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
cat food counts as protein by the way
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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