i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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