Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
