Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
