New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
