...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
