If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
