Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
