There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
