my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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