put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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