So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
