Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
