Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
