Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
