Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
