there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
