just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
